Friday, July 20, 2012

The Toyphoon

If you have kids you have probably tried to quietly sneak into their room to retrieve something only to be surprised by having your foot impaled by a stray Lego. Barbies and My Little Ponies aren't soft either and given the right conditions an adult can be felled pretty easily. We've see all kinds of natural disasters in our house. Poop bombs, Deluges of urine, Projectile vomiting. However, there is one more sinister phenomena that scares me the most. The Toyphoon.

A toyphoon is that thing that happens when your kids start playing. They don't focus on one thing and play with that until they tire and return it from whence it came. They move on, like locusts and spread the toys near and far. The toys themselves become their own entity spreading throughout the house.

There is no shelter from a toyphoon and while you can try and battle it by putting things away while they play it will only be replaced by something else. I've tried to wait out a toyphoon with limited success. Sometimes with threee kids in the house I witness the perfect storm and you will find me huddled on the couch hiding behind my iPad. I have seen what tornadoes and hurricanes can do to homes and this is no different. Only a toyphoon creates mass destruction INSIDE your home.

The best way to avoid the toyphoon? Purge the unnecessary toys that your kids don't play with. This is hard for me because A) I am a pack rat. I think, "Hey, they might want to do this with this toy" but, they never do. And, B) Heidi has all hand me down toys and I leave things in there that the first two never played with hoping that when I go to sleep at night the toys are actually talking to each other saying "Man, that dad character is awesome. I finally got my shot today!"

I know this is not true and that I need to simplify but at the end of the day I need a Dyson toy vacuum to pick them all up. I'm 6'7" so picking up toys is not exactly my forte. You may ask "Why don't you have the kids do it?" I do. Sometimes. But the way they put things away is a variation of the toyphoon. Just today I asked Sarah to pick up some goldfish that were still un-crunched from the carpet. She picked them up alright but then proceeded to throw them behind the couch! What is this? I said "We don't live in a Ground Round!"


  1. Man, I feel ya! I was sitting at my computer yesterday when I started getting pelted with blocks. The 2 kids had decided to play with everything they could as fast as they could and then move on. Toys were literally flying.

  2. Toyphoon is a great name for it. My wife and I refer to it as House Puke. Can I use that in a sentence?

    Of course!

    ex: Keep your eyes peeled when you walk into the living room, the house puked all over it again.