Monday, May 14, 2012
Response to Top 10 Things Mothers Do Better Than Fathers
After reading this blog about Top Ten Things Mothers Do Better Than Fathers I have to respond.First of all, your blog is your domain. So I respect that you had the grapefruits to post your opinion. Secondly, now that your blog is out there I am sure you are getting all kinds of feedback so you can either listen with an open mind or stop reading altogether. In my opinion, THEYCALLMECODY, the negative stereotypes that you are portraying for fathers is hurtful to those of us dads who make a real effort to connect with our kids. As a fellow blogger I understand that everyone has shortcomings regardless of your gender but the way you generalized about all dads was just flat out sexist. In the recent backlash of the Huggies Ad fiasco I find this sort of generalization to be ignorant of all the dads that do all the things you fail to do with your own kid. I kept reading your blog hoping that there was going to be a sarcastic punchline but sadly no. I realize that your intention was probably to celebrate all the awesome things moms do day in and day out and while they are awesome you need to keep other dads out of your failures. Blogging about my own experiences has been a rewarding experience and as a stay at home dad of three kids I have found that all of those things that you mentioned are things that I am constantly trying hard to improve. For my readers who missed your blog let me list the things that you suggest that "Moms are better at than Dads" 1)Express emotions 2)Hug your children 3)Fix your child's injuries 4)Keep your kids clean 5)Snuggle 6)Go Out and About 7)Change diapers 8) Make sick kids feel better 9)Cooking 10)Preparing Healthy Foods. One thing I had to learn when staying at home was that my style was going to be way different from that of my wife's mode of operandi. While it is true that my wife may use one wipe to my five (P&G will be applauding me) I still get my kid's butt clean. Let's be honest, no one likes to change a diaper but when it comes to changing your kids do you jump at the change or just claim "you do it because you are better at it?" or do you ignore the stench and when she smells it say "If you smelled it, you change it"? The first time I changed my son's diaper I was shaking so much because I was afraid I was going to do something wrong. Here I am 7 years later and he is a fully functioning 1st grader who can wipe his own ass and I am proud of that. I can say, YES! I helped teach him that! As for the times you mentioned fixing injuries and making sick kids feel better I would say that again the way you handled it wasn't wrong it is just that maybe your wife is more used to dealing with it than you. Most parents have been barfed on, crapped on, peed on. You live, you learn. Next time you are giving them a bucket or trash can or even better...running them to the bathroom or bathtub, whatever works. I understand more than most that sense of panic. My wife is much more level headed when it comes to that but when my son broke his collarbone after moving to a new city where I didn't know where the nearest hospital was I figured out real fast that a trip to the ER with a baby in tow was going to be no picnic. Thank goodness for GPS. Being good at fixing things comes with practice. You weren't the lawn master or AV master in a day. It took trial and error, a whole lot of mucking about and probably a little swearing before you really understood how to get your surround sound and Blu-Ray player talking to one another. If you are the one rushing in to scoop them up after a cut, cleaning it up, putting on a Princess band aid (which does wonders for any girl) and giving a hug or a get well kiss. A Daddy kiss is just as magical as a Mommy kiss when it comes to boo boos. Just these little things can make all the difference. Making Healthy Food and Cooking again are going to rely on effort. Is this something you plan out for your kids? Are you researching what you want to feed them or should be feeding them? My wife has an uncanny ability to take ingredients out of the fridge and whip something up. Myself, I need a script. A recipe is nothing but directions. Can you follow directions? Then you can cook or at least attempt to cook. Kids need fruits, veggies, dairy, protein. Getting out and about can be a challenge for any parent regardless of gender. Sounds like your wife is just more efficient. Mine is too. A two hour trip to the zoo sometimes has me packing like I am climbing K2. What I learned as a stay at home dad is that if you think you are leaving at a certain time give yourself at least twice the amount of time you think it will take to get ready.Everyone rushes around. If you have kids you can't escape this so get used to it. Things that you mention like expressing emotions, hugging, snuggling are the opportunities where you will have the greatest impact on your children. Maybe you grew up in a family that didn't express themselves in these ways and that it perfectly fine. However, now is the time to really connect with your kids. Kids have 5 Love Languages If your kids are really responding to love through physical contact with your wife then making this connection with them will make your bond with them grow stronger. Giving hugs, high fives, reading a story next to each other,holding their hands while you walk around the block, or even play wrestling can have an impact. You have it in you to be the best dad you can be. Moms are awesome. There is no denying the impact our moms and our wives have had on us and our kids. Please, don't lump ineptitudes in your game towards ALL dads. However, you have pointed out a perfect opportunities to be like many of the dads out there including myself who are strengthening their bonds with their kids while staying at home. Jump at every chance to hold them, care for them, and protect them. Your love and relationship with them can only become deeper.