Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Missing the Mark

Does anyone else find it ironic that the Target logo is a bullseye? Even when I HAVE a list I am definitely all over the place. They should have called it Cornucopia because when you go there to buy diapers and wipes you are inexplicably going to have a cart full of shit by the time you check out. I must look like Rain Man when I go in there because I am repeating to myself: socks, diapers, wipes, sponges, socks, diapers, wipes, sponges. I am surprised that no one asked me what time Judge Wapner came on. I see an opportunity for a potential money maker: Target Blinders. You could attach them to your sunglasses and block off your peripheral vision from those tempting one dollar crap bins they put right in the front. Conveniently placed so that your 15 month old starts screaming "THAT, THAT, THAT!" when she could be potentially pointing to any number of things I don't need but I just want her to stop so I push the cart like I am Usain Bolt running the 40. It is just coincidence that the Target logo is shaped like the Eye of Sauron? Instead of saying "I see you...die, die, die!" he's saying "I see, buy, buy!" I wouldn't be surprised if my little hobbits had anything to do with that either. No, we are on a quest for the ONE THING and then I am checking out dammit! And it is back to The Shire straightaway without caving to Starbucks on my way out...because IT'S RIGHT THERE. Ahhh! A nice Iced Frodoccino! Ok it happened but only because it's my precious and you can't take that away from me. Damn you and your cute little Target dog too.

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