Thursday, March 24, 2011

Potty Dance

What is with my kids? They continually hold their pee in and wait until the last second to make the mad dash for the potty. They dance around doing the potty dance until my wife and I ask "Do you have to go potty?" Of course they always reply "I don't have to go!" 1 minute later, a pee trail to the bathroom, and a toilet with sopping wet underpants abandoned in front of it and I get my answer. Yes, I did have to go potty but I am so not letting you have the satisfaction of knowing that I had to go.

I thought that once I taught my kids how to go on the big potty that these kinds of accidents were behind us. No pun intended. Now, I can't go anywhere without a back up pair of underwear in the hopper and at least a backup outfit. My daughter changes so many times you would think that she is hosting the Oscars. I have instituted the "Go before you Go" rule. You are not allowed to leave anywhere without first "going". I have limited water intake at night. I have scheduled regular potty trips, but still they wait. I am thinking that I must somehow demonstrate the beauty of a good #1. Maybe exaggerating by leaning my hand against the bathroom wall and loudly exclaiming "Oh man, this feels so good" when they are within earshot. Maybe I should take them to a Cubs game only for my son to experience "The Trough" and to hear the exultations of drunk baseball fans who have been holding it through eight innings of Old Style.

For my daughter, maybe seeing an insane line for the woman's room would teach her that you are not going to always have an open potty available. I mean, she has four to choose from and always runs to the worst possible choice. I have peed my pants only once in public. It was at grade school and I had to walk to the nurses' office to borrow some loaner pants. They were polyester, and checked and they had to the cinched with a huge brown belt. Loaner pants. I never did that again. Even as an adult I will know where my bathrooms are. Forget the exits in a theatre. Did you scope out where the john is? Then I am golden. I just wish they would get with the program too.

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