Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Silly is a silly word

Silly is the silliest word. When you are trying to edit your content in front of the kiddies I always go with words like silly and goofball. When you really look at the word silly it is obvious that silly can be such a universal term. When your kids do the most messed up things what you really want to say is “What the …… were you thinking?” But for most of us stay at home parents we shouldn’t be dropping any letter bombs around our kids unless we want them using that word on us and every other kid in their class. So what do we use instead? We say: You are so silly! Silly really is a word that you can plug into any conversation. Can you imagine going to a meeting with corporate to talk about how inept your boss is and just blurting out “Oh, he’s just so silly!” instead of “He’s a brainless, incompetent manager who sucks at motivating people.”
One of my other favorites is goofball. I call my 5 year old a goofball at least ten times a day not only because he is, but because I have other choice words that I know I shouldn’t express. When you go to a birthday party and there is one kid there that is so hopped up on birthday cake that he is throwing bows into any kid in his vicinity you say “Boy, your kid is so silly” instead of saying “Can you corral your troublemaker because he has concussed half of the kids at this party ?” That’s so silly that we say that. Another favorite of mine is “your daughter is so spirited” which in layman’s terms means “your daughter is out of freakin’ control!” So the next time someone drops the S bomb about your kid think of some choice words to use maybe even call them a goofball.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

We just don't have the chops for it

While on vacation Sarah was wearing a fluffy tutu. You know the kind that teenagers wear now, the ones that seem to be in fashion? Sarah loves to dress up like a princess. My daily routine involves trying to find something that is comparable enough to sidestep the ball gown she insists on wearing. Ball gowns are not so good for climbing yet she is determined to show me that a princess can deftly maneuver intricate death traps on playground equipment to justify wearing it.

Anyways, these kinds of clothes, maybe made famous by a character on Sex in the City (my wife watched it, OK?) draws attention to itself. "Oh she is so cute!" or "I love your beautiful ball gown!" It's this kind of attention that got my 5 year old boy wondering, and he asks me "How come everyone talks about Sarah and never me?" It's true that it is hard to resist the princess and her vast array of wardrobe changes but I felt I had to level with Adam. Truth is buddy, guys clothes are boring. What do guys have? Plaid, stripes, solids. That's it. Three choices. Maybe that is why I love to wear T-shirts so much. At least they have the potential to express themselves. Hmmm, should I wear this plaid with this khaki, or this stripe with this cargo? Ladies, you have infinite possibilities, which makes it harder to pick but at least you HAVE choices. Look at a catalog that sells woman's clothes versus men. Eddie Bauer gives three quarters to the women, then come luggage, THEN come the men section. Plaid, stripes, solids. Sometimes when i am getting dressed I feel like Fred Flintstone. Odds are, I am going to be wearing a plaid, a stripe, or a solid. I am not asking for Ed Hardy ridiculousness, just something different. I am not talking different like Hawaiian shirt either. It's not like I am going to St. Lucia again anytime soon, so let's look at what we do have.

Little boys clothes are just as lame. Once you get past the infant walking stage, when they start expressing their opinions about what is "cute" you get severely limited. If you grew up in the 90's you probably owned a pair of overalls. You know, the kind that you wore one strap up and the other off? Who came up with that idea? I always liked overalls but for kids they are just a disaster. Especially when they give you that special blowout poop present that comes all the way out the top of the diaper. After that, for boys, it is either vehicles, superheroes, or something dirt related. So I guess they prepare us early in life. It's the toddler's version of plaids, stripes, solids. Take a walk into a Carter's and look around, it is just like walking into any store. Color explosion on the girls' side like a rainbow threw up in there and mostly neutrals with splashes of primary and secondary color on the boy's side.

So, back to my son's predicament. My brother in law tried to explain; he spoke from experience what it was like to have a younger sister who stole the spotlight. The best we could come up with was that bigger is better and that he could do things that the younger sister couldn't do. Little consolation for his lack of "cute" eye catching wardrobe choices. I guess he will have to suck it up and look forward to plaids, stripes, and solids instead.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

No, your OTHER right!

I need to just vent here for a moment about an issue that seems to plague toddlers and their parents. How come kids can't figure out which shoe belongs on the correct foot? I have tried this just to make sure I wasn't crazy. I don't know how my kids can go almost an entire day with shoes on the wrong feet. Not only that but you don't want to be the parent that just doesn't care that your kid is walking is circles because they don't have the dexterity to turn against the grain. I am not sure if it is because my feet are long and resemble mini trees but it just wasn't comfortable!

I am thinking that if dogs can be trained to stay within boundaries like with Invisible Fence, my kids can be trained to put their shoes on the right (I mean correct) feet. So, I propose a mild shock that reacts with programmable socks to gently remind them. It's either that, or temporary feet tattoos and matching stickers for the bottom of their shoes. They love those memory games so what would be better "I can do it" moment than actually getting their shoes on the correct feet?

This would simplify 25% of my time. Not only do they get the incorrect feet constantly but then the simple shift from one foot to another takes a ridiculous amount of time. I think it is just one of those things that kids just think is hilarious. For example, Sarah, this is on the wrong foot, it goes on this foot (then she gives me the same foot) No, honey the OTHER foot. This is your left, it goes in this shoe, no not that shoe, that's the shoe I just took off... Sometimes I feel like with shoes I am part of an Abbott and Costello bit. Whose foot goes on left? Left is Right. Right is correct.